Friday, September 7, 2007
Hospice
Hospice..... What else can you say. My Mom, who did not smoke, got lung cancer. When found they said she had probably had it 3-4 years. So, Drs. in all their wisdom, remove the mother ship from her lung. After removal of the mother ship, all the little satellites decide to procreate. Shit. The Doctors ( I now Hate Drs.) put her through 3 months of Chemo hell. Sick, sick, sick, lost 37 pounds. Damn satellites grew. New treatment, Tarceva, worse that the chemo. Sick to the point of falling, fainting, not ABLE to eat or drink. This goes on for 3 months. Now this has grown to the point of no return. Sick, sick. Now last Saturday, September 1st. she has a stroke. At first she recognised us, then no. Drs. said she could recover from the stroke but it would take a year. She would be dead from the cancer in 2 months at best. DAMN DOCTORS, why didn't the tell us that all this hell was nothing but torture? It was not healing her, it was only making her last months suck, big time. Now, the truth. Today she was moved to Hospice, which is nice, but basically just drugs her up, BIG TIME. Ok she is not in pain, but I would like for her to recognise me enough to say I love her, one more time. This is not going to happen. I have been to work 1 day, Tuesday last week. I am going home, ( staying in a hotel in High Point, NC) on Sunday and work Monday, come back Monday. The Dr. said 5 to 7 days, but is not sure. It would be with me forever if she was alone when the time came. My Mom has never been a perfect Mom. She has done shit she never should have. Ok, who hasn't? Tomorrow, my sister in law, ( the saint!), and I are going to her house to read the paperwork she left concerning her final wishes. Micro Manager to the end. I am soooo sad. Tell whom ever you care about, love, hate, what ever, just do it while you can. I am going to go pray. I hope it will be heard.
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6 comments:
woah.. holy shit this is a powerful entry. "you would like for her to to recognise me enough to say i love her, one more time"
and why is it always the silent unsmoking wives who get the lung cancer, yet that picture is not shown on billboards it it?
i understand being mad at the chemo.. it is such a tainted treatment..i wonder if in 100 years they will say it is like when the old medieval guys would drain blood. but at the same time you have to have faith, right? it's so confusing.. do you go on some wheatgrass diet to save cancer or do chemo and grape popsicles?
it'd be nice to hear more about your mom... descriptions of what she was like.
"damn satellites grew.'' another powerful sentence.
short clips in your paragraph imitate the sound of emotion being chipped away.
PS.. HERE IS THE comment i left on my page re your jeff comment regarding angst: cindy..i never thought of it that way..thanks for your assessment.,. get the feeling you are good with people. he funny thing is, afterwards he replied to my email about how the phone wasnt working "But I am here." with an email that simple said, "okay, i understand" as if that...???????!!!!
how are other people handling this? are they supporting you in this hard time?
... i hope your Mum will be alright... what you said about mother ship and satellites... removal of the mother ship shouldn't have any influence on the satellite lumps but it's good bc it means no more can break off, surely?
i know what you mean about drs... fact is they DON'T know everything even though they plainly wish they did... there comes a time most definitely when they should stop poking, prodding, snipping, jabbing, smearing etc and just LET THE PATIENTS BE... for this reason i'm all in favour of hospices i think they are an excellent idea if your Mum got into a good one it is definitely the best place for her
take care
gleds
hey what's up how are you... no posts... please tell us how you are...
you've been in my links for weeks, please say something
I finally came over here and read your blog. Your stepson reminds me of me when I was a teenager- I can't even imagine all the b.s. I put my family through. Only difference was that my mom got high and that's how she dealt with me without going insane... not that I'm recommending that or anything. Good writing style, keep it up. I like reading blogs of people whose lifestyle is TOTALLY different than mine, it reminds me that my way isn't the only way (thank god).
Cindy, I just put you on my sidebar.. I hope you come check out what I wrote about your writing.
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